2021.12.08 22:48 tidyshark13574 Help with sahm gf (22F)
My (25M, adhd-inattentive) gf (22F) is a sahm for our 2 month old daughter. I work at a manual labor intensive job, walk the dog (85 lb husky malamute) when I get home, take care of my daughter from the time I get home with the dog until I go to sleep (about 3-5 hours/day) and on weekends I'll try to take care of her all night, too but sometimes I sleep through her crying and my gf has to get her. I also take out the trash, usually when she asks because I usually forget otherwise. Unfortunately, it usually takes her reminding me 2-5 times to do anything because I simply forget. As far as I can tell, I try to do everything in my power to keep her happy. I often don't have enough money to take us out on dates of any kind, but I do pay for almost everything and sometimes I'll have an extra few $s to put towards her business of selling stuff online. She doesn't make much doing it, but it does give her some extra money to spoil our daughter lol.
Anyways, she got extremely mad at me today because I took the trash out but I didn't have time to come back for the boxes because I had to leave for work. It takes me a long time to accomplish things usually because I get distracted very easily. So, my friend takes only maybe 10-15 minutes to get ready for his job in the morning (for reference, not pertinent to the story at all), whereas I usually wake up about 50 minutes before I have to leave and I'm almost ready by the time I should be leaving, just need to put shoes and socks on, pretty much. I also leave 20 minutes early in case I get pulled over or traffic or something because if we get to work 1 minute late, we get sent home and it counts as a no call no show and I can barely afford to miss one day of work per month right now, let alone gas driving there (50 minute drive) and back with no pay. My coworkers have said they also usually lay us off the week of Christmas even though we are about 6 years behind on work, which is really stupid imo. They just paid for my class A cdl, so I will be finding a new job asap, but most of the jobs I've found have crazy hours and I'd rather not be away from my daughter that much and I definitely don't want to do OTR work and be gone for 3 months at a time and leave my gf home alone with the dog and our daughter and no support. Anyways, back to the boxes, so the boxes have been sitting there for awhile and they pile up and get in the way kind of because of where the trash can is, so it causes some problems for her because she trips on them and stuff she said. So I'm going to clean them up and take them out as soon as I get done writing this and I have an alarm set just in case, too. I usually don't have enough time in the mornings to do much else besides getting ready for work. As it is, I have to go to bed around 830-9pm, so id rather not get up any earlier. Also, the dumpster is about 0.25 to 0.5 mile or so from our trailer, so it's not feasible to just take it out. I have to drive it down there anytime I want to take it.
I try to vacuum on the weekends, but I usually forget and my gf plans a lot of stuff for the weekends so we are almost always gone and it just slips my mind. Also, I have to do it in between our daughters naps, so it just doesn't line up very well. But the dog sheds like crazy so it really needs to be done 1-3 times a week, especially in summer.
I think also a big problem is we have completely different definitions of what "clean" means. My entire life, I have figured a room to be "clean" as long as I can walk through it. She doesn't think the same thing as me, that's for sure. Also, she's lived on her own since she was 16 and I've only just moved out of my dad's house with her this year when I found out she was pregnant. I kind of lived with her a bit before then because I'd stay the night a lot, but my address is still my dad's house. Anyways, to say the least, she is mad at me right now and she was so mad that she was crying and I hate to see her that way, but idk how to get through to her that I need to be reminded a few times to do things and that it's not a huge deal. Like, I'm not forgetting on purpose. She also thinks that I'm forgetting on purpose so that I won't have to do it. But, I often feel like she doesn't even give me a chance. For instance, she went and got some walmart pizzas tonight and I made them and right after we sat down to eat, she said the table was too cluttered (most of our daughters burp cloths, blankets, pacifiers and also the keyboard and mouse are on the coffee table bc we use my laptop to stream TV services since I can set it up so that the internet goes through our phones and there's no home internet service in our area) and she wanted me to pick up her books. In about 5 minutes, she told me like 10 times and I said I'm about to eat and I'll do it right after. I could understand having to do it right then if there wasn't enough room to set the plate down, but both of our plates had at least 4-6" of space on every side away from anything else. So, after maybe 5 minutes, she got up and put them away angrily and then took her plate into our room and didn't eat next to me.
Another big problem is that, in the morning, my medicine hasn't kicked in yet and by the time I get home it's fizzled out most of the way. So, she only gets to see me at my worst. She usually isn't awake in the morning, but she does see me everyday in the evenings and I know I'm super annoying sometimes because I try to make her laugh by saying some outrageous thing or a joke or something and she just stares at me like "🙄" so, I can tell I'm already annoying her. For instance, she takes care of the baby all day and I'll go to the bathroom and while I'm omw I'll say something like "alright you got the baby I'm going to bed" and I'll look back and smile so she knows I'm joking but she just stares at me. Her friends laugh when they're over, though. Usually.
Anyways, I want some tips on how to adult better because I was never really taught anything about it. My dad had a maid service clean the house twice a week and idek what all is supposed to be cleaned or even how to do it. So right now, things idek about are falling onto my gf on top of taking care of a 2 month old upwards of 16 hours/day. How do you remember to clean and vacuum and stuff? I don't even notice something needs to be cleaned until it's so dirty it ends up taking me 2 hours to clean it, things like the toilet. Well, mainly only the toilet, I guess. Anyways, what kind of free stuff could I do for her that would help me make her and I happier, aside from taking all the trash when I take the trash. That is, what kind of stuff could I do without her asking that I can put into a schedule of some kind?
Also, I've noticed in the past my ex gfs try to withhold sex in order for me to notice that something is wrong, but I can literally (tested this with my previous gf by accident) go 2 years without it without even noticing. Needless to say, I barely, if at all care about sex. So, I mainly just try to satisfy my partner and that frustrates them because they are trying to do the same for me and I usually end up just getting bored after an hour or so and I can't keep it up anymore, so they think I'm not attracted to them. Anyone have any experience with this or know how to fix it?
I also have a tendency to overthink things and get lost completely in thought and so I'll be mid conversation with her (or anyone, really) and I'll just dissociate into a thought I had earlier and whoever I'm talking to completely disappears like they don't exist. My friend thinks he has adhd, too and he completely understands and gets my attention back to him when he realizes I'm just answering all of his questions very simply like "yes" or "no" answers and such. However, my gf does not understand this at all and assumes I'm ignoring her, so she'll get mad abd stop talking to me or say something like "nevermind, you're not paying attention anyways." So I was aslo wondering if anyone had tips on how to get it through to her that I'm not doing it on purpose or just to annoy her.
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2021.12.08 22:48 4dgt90 My ex stole checks and stole money from me and has cut communications. How do I recover my money and press charges?
Before we broke up and I moved across the country my ex managed to steal some checks and steal more than $10k from my bank account. This happened earlier this year.
When I caught her, she was responsive and (after a lot of fighting and arguing) eventually paid me back after I had threatened to go to the police.
Months later, I find that another check has gone through and that she has been using my credit card on her Lyft account. I have not been able to get her to pay me back on that one and she is now ignoring me. The amount outstanding is about $2500 for the check and $500 for Lyft.
Evidence I have: - I have scans (from my bank) showing the forged checks clearly with a different signature. - On the back it says “for cash Citi deposit” (Citi is her bank)u I have emails and texts of her admitting to her doing this. I made her draft a letter and send to me that she stole money from me - I have texts and emails where she has admitted to it and cited check numbers and amounts and saying she’ll pay etc. - I have a certified mail where her mom wrote me a check to make me whole (for the first batch) - I have an email from Lyft showing that the charges on my credit card are on an account with her name
For the checks, I had already opened a fraud case with my bank but they have not been able to recover the money.
Because she is ignoring me I am now willing to go after her and press charges. I have told her if she ignores me I will go to the police. How do I go about this in the easiest manner?
I live in Austin and she lives in NYC so the jurisdiction may be in both?
I have never gone to the police so I have no idea how this works. Do I walk into a precinct office? I do not want to have to hire (and pay) for a lawyer as at this point it’s only over $3k.
Yes, I have already switched bank accounts and credit cards.
Thanks in advance.
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